Lost without kids

X’s school was closed in the last week of December. We had to alternate between bringing X to our offices or to my mom’s place. Since Z did not have classes, we decided to deposit both boys at my mom’s place for 2 afternoons which naturally spilled over to the evenings.

We finished work at almost 7pm and dined in the CBD area. In that instant, it reminded us of the days when I used to work in town and used to have our dinner in the area at the likes of Circular Road, Maxwell road to Raffles City. Mr H and I joked that it felt like our old dating days.

The thing about not having kids around us made us feel rather lost. For once, we had so much time on our hands. There was no need to feed the kids, hustle them through, prepare entertainment or respond to a zillion and one questions. We had so much time after dinner that we could shop and it was not even 8pm.

I told Mr H, “So this is what feels like when the kids have grown up and do not need us. I feel so lost without them.”

Mr H nodded in agreement.

It was a poignant moment and we reflected on how fast Z & X were growing up. In the years to come, I would look back on this entry and be reminded of the emptiness. I would miss the chatter, the laughters, the tantrums, the good and the bad.

There used to be a time when I wished I could stay home and dedicate my time to my children – to look after them and to educate them personally. This 2-evenings stint without the kids served to remind me the importance of my own purpose and to live my life the way I would have wanted to, with or without kids. Otherwise, when they grew up, I would lose my sticky companions and my purpose in life.

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